Hello everyone. As I am sure you all know, the "Bene-foot" for the Cryptozoological Museum was a complete flop. Which frankly I found odd, simply due to the fact that most in this have found if your throwing a "bigfoot event" all you need to do is simply put the word "Bigfoot" on a poster, and you have an instant success. So, I found the failure of this very odd... So, I did what I normally do, I went in search of information.
Starting with:Shawn Donovan. Mr. Donovan was the "man behind" the Bene-foot. While searching this Comedian (which I use loosely) I came across this little rant posted on a website forum for what appears to be other "comedians". Dan Sally appears to be taking this all in stride (very adult I might add). Mr. Donovan appears to be pretty upset and angry with Loren Coleman. I wonder why? Well lets all read the response (with my inserts for my own comedic take on this. I think I'm freaking hilarious) Mr. Donovan sent to Loren Coleman for posting on Cryptomundo, after this fiasco from hell.
The following is his entire posting (edited for specific pieces of profanity, in letter form to Loren) which can be found HEREShawn Donovan:
Hey Loren, You are an absolute (edited for a word that rhymes with ick).Melissa:
Wow, that's adult, and very professional. Turd.Shawn Donovan:
I tried to do something nice for you and the museum, and you throw it in my face because it didn't go well. You knew what my act was like before you agreed to have me set it up. You saw my clips yourself. If you didn't think I was funny, that's okay it's your opinion. I know not everybody has the same sense of humor as I do, but don't act like you were fooled or that I even tried to deceive you.Melissa:
Newsflash for ya.. It failed not because Loren found you unfunny, it failed because others found your humor distasteful and insulting. You also relied on the artwork created by others and posted online, to create the attendance.
That's why it failed.
You would have been better off hiring a psychic, to send out word telepathically.Shawn Donovan:
I put a lot of effort into the event.Melissa:
Yeah? Really? As I said above, you appear to be the only person in the history of bigfoot events, who could not get a crowd to turn out, if nothing else to hear Loren's theories of Bigfoot. Which by the way are far more entertaining than yours. Now that I think about it, you should have handed Loren your mic for the night. Loren could have pulled them off the street. You seriously blew it.Shawn Donovan:
I got a guy who's been on Conan O'Brien 3 times to headline.Melissa:
That was your big advertising ploy? Where were the dancing girls to go along with your sense of humor? I could be wrong, but judging by the responses, the dancing girls and $20.00 bills (OK, the economy is bad, $10.00 bills) are all I can see that were missing..Shawn Donovan:
Another guy was on Comedy Central.Melissa:
You have connections to comedians with Comedy Central? Hey, do you have Larry the Cable Guys number? I bet he could really give you some pointers on your act. "Git er dun". (No offense intended to Larry The Cable Guy. He is a true comedic genius and Ron White ROCKS!!!!) Hey, you should have called Ron White, his brand of sick humor works great. I wonder why it's not working for you.Shawn Donovan:
Sure the turnout was shitty, the bar put a stupid non-descriptive ad in the paper and didn't do the publicity they said they were going to do.Melissa:
Now it's the fault of the bar? You were the one responsible for the advertising as you were the person in charge of the event.. That was your mistake letting others be in charge of the promotion. How do you book comedians, with the names and backgrounds of those who appeared, and have such a horrible turnout? That is the bigger question in all this.
Advertising baby, which was your responsibility.Shawn Donovan:
I personally handed out fliers at USM.Melissa:
Personally, as opposed to placing fliers on car windshields? Classy !! Good Job. Way to put your back into it.Shawn Donovan:
I called radio stations trying to get plugs for it on the air. The thing is, sometimes it doesn't matter how much advertising you do, sometimes people just don't show up. That's the nature of the business. Nothing is guaranteed. And yes, if the room had filled up, we all would have profited from the event, but in reality I ended up losing money. I lost money so you could be ungrateful.Melissa:
No, the thing is, you lost money, because you did not advertise the event you were putting on. That was your fault. That was not Loren Coleman's. Loren was correct in assuming you would handle all facets of this event, that was the understanding admitted by you. Nothing is guaranteed, but you better bet your ass (if things go poorly) the person in charge will be the one to catch hell, and a good "promoter" takes the criticism and learns from it, so it does not happen again. You seem to be unwilling to learn from this major catastrophe. This quote is good:"I called radio stations trying to get plugs for it on the air".
Now judging by the word "trying" you didn't accomplish it. Why was that? Did you suddenly find out on air advertising costs money? That would be the only logical reason why it didn't happen. The stations wanted money, you were unprepared to shell out. It's all about the money honey. Radio and television will advertise a projected alien landing date if the check arrives.Shawn Donovan:
I took the financial risk for you and the museum, did all the legwork, and felt really bad that it didn't turn out better -- until reading your obnoxious post (the title is hilarious though, I'll give you that).Melissa:
If you're talking about the "Bene-farce" title, that was not Loren, please give the blogger on this site proper credit for being so spot on with his word usage. He deserves credit for that. That was pretty funny huh? And he isn't even a comedian!!! Maybe you should have hired him?? Financial risk, I must have missed where Loren Coleman held a gun to your head and forced you to offer to put on this event.. Could you help this girl, and my readers out?
Hey, don't be a crybaby, leg work is good exercise and keeps your leg muscles nice for the ladies. I'm sorry, I forgot this was about you, so back to it.Shawn Donovan:
Then you have the gall to play the victim??Melissa:
As opposed to you? The person responsible, the person who took a no brainer, and basically drained the gray matter from it? Judging from this letter, you seem to be playing martyr very well too.Shawn Donovan:
You didn't lose anything on the event except maybe a night out.Melissa:
Yes, but in all fairness to Loren, the weekends on Comedy Central are great (hint, hint, elbow, elbow) and there were a bunch of really good holiday movies he missed.Shawn Donovan:
And yes, we all thought you were an ass for walking out (we also thought you were an ass when you said that the bigfoot statue should be pointed at my girlfriend's chest). Any rational human being would think that.Melissa:
I would have walked out too (back to leg work). Loren wasn't the only person who walked out, he was just the only you noticed that was gone. It's stunning how oblivious you really were to what was happening around you. I am all for "carlinesque" comedy, but pro-rape comedy? At a Bigfoot event? Seriously? You figured "I will get some names to do this show, that will mean limited advertising (word of mouth and their blooming careers and all) throw out Conan O'Brien's name - WAMMO instant hit. You could sit back, and count the cash.
I guess in the end, the joke was on you.
As for the "chest commentary".. Did you giggle when you typed that?
You couldn't have typed that with a straight face..
My sister and my girlfriend even bought copies of your book. I tried to do a really nice thing for you and you didn't even thank me for trying. Why?? Because no one showed up to support your museum?? Or because you didn't like some jokes?? Jokes you have heard before?? Get over it. If you're so easily offended, don't leave the house.Melissa:
Loren Coleman does not get offended easily. Which is what I find so interesting about all this. Something pretty offensive must have been said to make Loren Coleman walk out of the building and not take his final bow, if for no other reason than to be polite. Something very bad happened, and I'm not sure we have even heard all of it yet.
Question Mr.Donovan, I have some coffee mugs for sale, do you think you sister and girlfriend would be interested? I hear they bought those books at a reduced price?? Heck, Loren never offered me a deal like that.. (Loren, we need to talk).Shawn Donovan:
I guarantee you don't have the guts to post this on Cryptomundo because you'll only want to propagate your opinion.Melissa:
I do. Maybe he didn't post it, because you had your shot, you blew it, or maybe it was your potty mouth? I don't know it's just a guess.Shawn Donovan:
You're truly a sad, lonely, old man. You are living proof that no good deed goes unpunished. I hope your museum folds.
Get Bent, Shawn.Melissa: Shawn ends this letter with one final closing shot to Loren Coleman "Get Bent". Now that is the definition of professionalism. Way to go Mr. Donovan, that sure did make you look like the bigger man in all this. I can't say I am best friends with Loren Coleman, but I can say I have known him long enough to know, lonely and sad is the last thing anyone who knows him would define him as.Mr. Donovan, take responsibility for the mess you created. It's not everyone else's fault, it's yours. You admit Loren was to simply show up. Now, had you been really smart about this, you would have worked with Loren using his connections as well. You chose to do this on your own, and it flopped. You didn't even take into account your target audience, I'll bet you don't even know what that is. Be an adult, the failure was yours, plain and simple.I know that, and I wasn't even there. Pretty smart for a crazy bigfooter huh??